thomas wheatley

Ain’t it ‘bout time that tumblurr starts allowing M4A music uploads?

On any given Saturday night, there are 3 show that someone like us could foreseeably go to. There are more, but there will be three that you just sort of know about without having to find out (it’s magic). They are different each week, but they are all the same. Tonight The Mountain Goats and Final Fantasy are at the Variety Playhouse (the best show), The Bridges and Ponderosa at the Star Bar (the people you know), and J. Tillman at the Earl (the lesser known and therefore the better best show).

Then, if you’re not lucky enough to know any after parties and you’re not alone/ on a first date (and would consequently go home after the show), you will end up in East Atlanta.

East Atlanta is an open sewer of miscreants and perverts and dope peddlers on Saturday nights. At the 529 you will see the people that went to the Variety and Star Bar. “Hipsters”- young bourgeois bohemians with PBRs and boys with silly hats and girls with silly boots- except only the minority still live off their parents money, because this is Atlanta and not Brooklyn. In The Glenwood there will be the 30 somethings who live in the neighborhood. Tom will have his record player on the street at Feed Your Head Music and will be playing something with horns from the 70s. Marys will be absolutely packed with horny gay men, two straight ones and the most attractive females outside of Buckhead. The Graveyard will be hosting some benefit and will have strange music. The cast from Vampire Diaries will be there- The gay guy from The Real World VII will be there and there will be dubstep or some DJ from Miami. At Gravity Pub, they will be playing death metal- trying (and failing) to scare away the Buckhead- carpet bagging-douches coming in from The Glennwood (on the left) and The Graveyard (on the right) from their oasis of authenticity. At East Side Lounge there will be drunk 20 year olds standing at the door begging to be allowed in. Inside, Cassie will be serving Black Label Canadian Beer for $2. There will be a line at the bathroom consisting of a 30 year old white guy with scruff and a blazer, a 25 year old black guy with dreds, and there will be a faint smell of marijuana. For $3, D will let you take shots out of her clevage. At My Sister’s Room (Calavinos by day), the scariest, most aggressive lesbians around will violently dance on a huge wooden floor to mediocre mid-tempo Euro techno+rap. Flat Iron stops serving early and thier bathrooms are closets with misspelled vandalism. The Earl will have smokers outside till 1.

Spilling out into the street, lights, the hearse in front of The Graveyard- cars parked where cars should not be parked- that lot across from what used to be Cenci’s where the carjacker was shot. You will percieve this as a spectacle. You will remember Halloween and New Years in EAV. You will be proud of the PBR wall paintings. You will see beautiful girls stagger into the wrong guys arms. You will feel at the same time a great hate for your wasted life and a great joy that you have participated in something unique and strange and frightening and new.

When you leave, you will see cops outside of the Earl and The Graveyard- and locals will turn left on Brownwood to get home. Non-locals will take Moreland and see two more cops at the gas stations near I 20. The line at the McDonalds will be wrapped along the building by 1am. By 3 the breakfast menu starts- or maybe you’re at the Huddle House a mile south wondering if the Breakfast Scramble is a good idea. It isn’t.

At 6- Joes will be open, but the streets will be empty by 4.

That is a Saturday night in East Atlanta Village.